tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post5971354734358258507..comments2024-02-15T23:41:36.425-08:00Comments on SIMPLY WAIT: WHEN DO YOU COMPLAIN?Patry Francishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-83931167884390835262009-03-30T23:17:00.000-07:002009-03-30T23:17:00.000-07:00funny picture, really cute kids.funny picture, really cute kids.Web Hosting Delhihttp://www.rayhosting.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-88311431261095348792008-11-07T21:11:00.000-08:002008-11-07T21:11:00.000-08:00I get a lot out of the honesty and insight that ch...I get a lot out of the honesty and insight that characterize your posts.<BR/><BR/>I love the last sentence.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-18904392703111224702008-10-15T09:37:00.000-07:002008-10-15T09:37:00.000-07:00These stories are so great, Patry. I'm so sorry fo...These stories are so great, Patry. I'm so sorry for your ordeal, but you make me realize that one can overcome 'feeling one's mortality'.<BR/>Hugs to you.Mary Sheehan Winnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07739304038978908921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-30355416837898724502008-09-16T12:46:00.000-07:002008-09-16T12:46:00.000-07:00So sorry you had to endure that. Your compassion f...So sorry you had to endure that. Your compassion for that woman - who didn't deserve it, but you're right - we never know what people are going through - is remarkable. You're such an inspiration and I'm always thrilled to come here and find something new. xoparis parfaithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05457437124988976587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-48456841251573746712008-09-10T17:34:00.000-07:002008-09-10T17:34:00.000-07:00tinker: It's easy for all of us to become jaded--e...tinker: It's easy for all of us to become jaded--especially when you're constantly besieged by other people's needs. (I remember that from my waitressing days.) But I always vowed that I would find a new profession if I got so burned out that I couldn't treat people the way they deserve to be treated. Thank you for all your good thoughts and prayers--and especially for your friendship.<BR/><BR/>beryl: I'm not surprised that you see it that way--and when I think back on her cautious smile in the solarium, I think you might be right.Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-50927461154479459052008-09-09T20:55:00.000-07:002008-09-09T20:55:00.000-07:00How well you have captured the ambiguity that plag...How well you have captured the ambiguity that plagues us all . . . what is the right thing to do when treated cruelly. I am so sorry you had to endure such pain for so long, but once again, your experiences give us much to ponder.<BR/><BR/>I love your Plato quote. It is so easy to fail when life asks much of us. I think perhaps S recognized her cruelty and wanted to make amends ... and to change. Perhaps you gave her the opportunity to do so. I like to think that is what happened.Beryl Singleton Bissellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11989231835137438633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-13374946054350763962008-09-05T01:22:00.000-07:002008-09-05T01:22:00.000-07:00I'm so very sorry, you went through so much pain, ...I'm so very sorry, you went through so much pain, with so little compassion shown to you...<BR/>I think it may happen far too eaily and often in health care, that people can grow jaded - they build a sort of wall between them and the people they're supposed to be serving - and no one is served by it, not even the person who built the wall to protect themselves...<BR/><BR/>You are such a kind, compassionate and merciful soul, Patry - I pray that at least some of the mercy that you showed her, will penetrate through the walls she's built around her, so she can show mercy to others again...<BR/><BR/>And most of all - I pray you never have to experience such pain again!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-61308239680495749082008-09-02T07:34:00.000-07:002008-09-02T07:34:00.000-07:00jay: I agree with many of the ccomments here, too-...jay: I agree with many of the ccomments here, too--and they literally changed me. You make an interesting point that hasn't been made before though. S. would probably be happier in another job--one that doesn't involve dealing with people. As an ex-waitress, I understand burn-out, and know how the same requests over and over can wear on you. But I always believed that once you can't deliver with a smile, it's time to quit.Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-60053701270126503092008-09-02T02:33:00.000-07:002008-09-02T02:33:00.000-07:00There are so many comments I agree with on this po...There are so many comments I agree with on this post.<BR/><BR/>I agree with those who said you should even now report her, and here's why:<BR/><BR/>She is indeed in the wrong job. Not only is she endangering life and causing misery to others, she is clearly unhappy in the job herself. One way to look at is that if you get her fired, she may well end up somewere better - both better for herself and for others.<BR/><BR/>I agree with those who said you did what you needed to do at the time. I believe that we are all catalysts, that our actions affect others around us in ways we cannot predict or know. What you did then was the right thing at the time. Doesn't mean you can't follow up with a report on that questionnaire. <BR/><BR/>Lastly, I believe that something vital has been forgotten in the medical world. Nursing care. That doesn't mean <I>just</I> injections and medication and changing dressings, it means care of the patient, body and soul. It means that tender sponge bath, a listening ear, perhaps brushing a patient's hair or providing other small comforts - like the clementines. <BR/><BR/>Personally, I believe that nursing care is almost as important in recovery as the drugs and the surgeries, and it's tragic that good nursing care is so rare these days. I know the time and money isn't there, but a smile and kind word cost nothing.<BR/><BR/>Sorry my first post on your blog is so long.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-58756614758050814502008-08-31T18:11:00.000-07:002008-08-31T18:11:00.000-07:00mm: Thank you for saying that. I couldn't take an ...mm: Thank you for saying that. I couldn't take an action that might cause someone to lose her livelihood without seriously pondering it.<BR/><BR/>amber: Your grandpa sounds like a wonderful person, but S. probably deserved to be yelled at!Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-11679297294423779942008-08-31T17:34:00.000-07:002008-08-31T17:34:00.000-07:00You are much more kind than I. I probably would ha...You are much more kind than I. I probably would have yelled at her right there in the room! lol<BR/><BR/>*sigh*<BR/><BR/>But you are like my grandpa, who always said it was better to be as kind as possible...Maybe she was having a horrible day?<BR/><BR/>:)Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04680903854519503303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-41744068600585122462008-08-31T05:48:00.000-07:002008-08-31T05:48:00.000-07:00I'm late to this one, I'm afraid. What a thought-p...I'm late to this one, I'm afraid. What a thought-provoking post.<BR/><BR/>Whatever you decide, you did what you needed to do at the time. That was your first duty. And I think that writing the post, thinking about the pros and cons of the situation and asking, perhaps indirectly, for the input of others before reaching a final decision (perhaps via the questionnaire) shows your desire to be fair to yourself, other patients and S herself. <BR/><BR/>In a case like this, with many serious factors to consider, reflecting and taking the time you need is evidence of common sense and wisdom, even. In my book anyway!mmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12602566764008799383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-2046630089222522282008-08-30T09:02:00.000-07:002008-08-30T09:02:00.000-07:00Gerry: So true. Fortunately, in my experience, car...Gerry: So true. Fortunately, in my experience, caregivers like S. are very much the exception. Most people in health care do an amazing job. <BR/><BR/>r: You would have had her head!<BR/><BR/>Anon: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your wisdom. I see your point, but an abuse victim usually has an emotional tie with their abuser that makes them return for more. It's not really forgiveness; it's co-dependence, no? My compassion for S. was much more dispassionate. (Though I forgave her, I also requested another aide for the rest of my stay. The knowing look I got in response led me to believe her co-workers were well aware of her conduct.) For me (a shy type who flunked assertiveness training class) that was pretty good! Ideally, I probably should have filed a complaint immediately on behalf of her next "victims", but I was pretty sick myself. At that point, keeping her away from me was all I could handle. In any case, thank you for your thoughtful message--and I agree with you. S. wasn't just negligent; she was cruel!<BR/><BR/>deborah: I wish you were there!! Thanks for sharing your fire. As I said before, readers ultimately made a difference in how I handled this situation. Whether anything will be done about S. remains to be seen. Since I will be having another surgery in 3 months, and will probably be on the same floor, I'll report back<BR/><BR/>maryanne: You raise some important questions--the kind that were very much on my mind when I wrote the post. I really believe that I was seeking the wisdom and counsel of the amazing readers of this blog when I wrote the post--and I got it. I also got a wonderfully expanded, thoughtful discussion.<BR/> <BR/>Anonymous and several other commenters really made me think: If it had been one of my children lying in the bed, I would have screamed at S. and made as much noise to her supervisors as I could--and it's unlikely I would have forgiven her. (I'm still angry at the fifth grade son Josh in front of the class twenty years ago--even though he forgot the incident long ago.In that case, I not only reported the teacher to the principal; I wrote letters to every member of the school board.) But that's a mother's instinct. I've never been quite as good at sticking up for myself...<BR/><BR/>Kay: Thank you! Not only have the blog readers been a source of wise counsel, the love and support has been incredible. Even when my recovery stalls, I feel like the most blessed of women. Thanks, too, for saying we look too young to be grandparents! I used to FEEL too young, too, but lately, I'm feeling more like their great-grandmother. They keep wondering where their energetic playmate has gone.Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-8140464804001705552008-08-30T06:20:00.000-07:002008-08-30T06:20:00.000-07:00Dear Patry, I am thinking of you and sending you p...Dear Patry, I am thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts for a speedy recovery. I'm sure this blog and what you have written about so well in this post, will in the end be the means to right any wrongs.<BR/>Have loved reading about your red shoes and seeing your beautiful granddaughters ... and it has to be said, neither you nor your husband look nearly old enough to be grandparents!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-64039283938930078992008-08-30T04:56:00.000-07:002008-08-30T04:56:00.000-07:00patry,I was/am horrified by your experience, anger...patry,<BR/><BR/><BR/>I was/am horrified by your experience, angered and frightened by it. I am glad you are home "in paradise" and grateful for your beautiful words. <BR/><BR/>dawn's comment really struck me:<BR/><BR/>"why do I tolerate sub-quality care/customer service than I would expect for someone else?"<BR/><BR/> I, and no doubt you, would fight tooth and nail for a child in pain, but when it comes to ourselves, we think of the other person first.<BR/><BR/>in your situation, though I would probably have screamed or called out if I could, I would also have empathy for 'S'. in fact, after initial anger, the more awful a person is, the more I feel sorry for him.her (often counter-productively).<BR/><BR/>but then I get to extrapolating --and this is NOT about you, but an effort to understand human nature which you inspire in me.<BR/><BR/>the essence of humanity is empathy, yet care for the self can be construed as self pity, which one wants to avoid. but when is that denial of self itself a kind of vanity? is pride more powerful than self love? when does one take a stand for the self and when does one put the welfare of others first?<BR/><BR/>I think of Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, Christ...and the idea that love for others is love for god, or goodness.<BR/><BR/>and yet, does that leave advocacy for the self entirely to others? is that childish? martyrdom? what if we do not want to be saints?<BR/><BR/>I have no answers, but these are such important questions, especially in these times, and I thank you for helping me think about them.<BR/><BR/>all goodness and bliss to you, dear patry.Maryanne Stahlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12461617567840191096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-68227812166786028522008-08-30T04:52:00.000-07:002008-08-30T04:52:00.000-07:00Forget it! She'll treat the next patient the same ...Forget it! She'll treat the next patient the same way. This woman obviously hates her work and has no respect for other people. No, her swollen ankles and such don't mean a thing to me: she chose this profession and should be professional under *all* circumstances. I've had the pleasure of meeting nurses like that and reported their conduct immediately. Her attitude was unprofessional and sadistic and she should not be allowed to expose other people to her 'I don't give a damn' attitude. <BR/>Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!Deborah Reyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09506809786397910765noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-11731656438877931052008-08-29T21:47:00.000-07:002008-08-29T21:47:00.000-07:00I think this woman is cruel and I would not want h...I think this woman is cruel and I would not want her to be inflicted upon me if I were ill. It is one thing to feel compasion for her, but it is quite another to allow her to run around infecting already ill people with her unwashed hands and compounding the suffering of others with her cruelty. I think not reporting this is the same thing as looking the other way when someone is being abused. It's the same thing. You were abused and you are choosing to put whatever her problems may be ahead of your own pain. Why must her pain be more important than yours? Where is your compassion for yourself? I think you deserve compassion and good treatment.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-61952322212054232352008-08-29T19:47:00.000-07:002008-08-29T19:47:00.000-07:00oh dear lord, you do have the patients and heart o...oh dear lord, you do have the patients and heart of a saint! I agree with lc mccabe it was unethical and wrong what she did to you!rdlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04062856086277201874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-55871628703508376622008-08-29T04:20:00.000-07:002008-08-29T04:20:00.000-07:00So many in the medical field forget, or just plain...So many in the medical field forget, or just plain never knew, that it is called health "care." They don't care.<BR/><BR/>Hope all these travails end soon with you in good health.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-44942197247218563272008-08-28T17:08:00.000-07:002008-08-28T17:08:00.000-07:00kg: The job S. does is a difficult and important o...kg: The job S. does is a difficult and important one that should be rewarded with higher pay and more respect than it is. But in spite of that, all the other aides I met were cheerful and professional. As zhoen says, someone like S. makes everyone around her look bad.<BR/><BR/>Sue: I know you would! I still remember how much I admired you when you fought for our taxi. (I'd probably still be standing on that street, waiting...) As far as the youtube video goes, I'd love to see that one!Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-18891501485025992232008-08-28T16:09:00.000-07:002008-08-28T16:09:00.000-07:00I would have nailed her ass. And if you ever want ...I would have nailed her ass. And if you ever want me to write her boss a letter or go make a YouTube video of her bedside manner, just say the word.LitParkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17522150687696351583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-37406562540793392072008-08-27T21:45:00.000-07:002008-08-27T21:45:00.000-07:00You are a very kind-hearted person, Patry, to have...You are a very kind-hearted person, Patry, to have seen this other person's suffering underneath her rough exterior.<BR/><BR/>Still, it sounds like S. may be in the wrong profession, especially if she cannot get your broken call button fixed and insists on being mean.<BR/><BR/>I have heard other stories like this, sadly enough. When people are sick in hospital, they really need to be taken care of! For those people paid to take care of the ill, this has to be one of their top priorities.<BR/><BR/>I'm sure you weren't the only one S. has been mean to (unfortunately). I'm glad to hear you're home and on the mend.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-35419634426496759262008-08-27T12:36:00.001-07:002008-08-27T12:36:00.001-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-32834909488439503772008-08-27T12:36:00.000-07:002008-08-27T12:36:00.000-07:00k: I knew I would get some great comments, and som...k: I knew I would get some great comments, and some constructive dissension when I first wrote this post. You all always make me think and grow. As far as grace goes, yours is evident in everything you write.Patry Francishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10961915797919017179noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11695927.post-30980699247906080912008-08-27T11:58:00.000-07:002008-08-27T11:58:00.000-07:00I knew before finishing this post the comments wou...I knew before finishing this post the comments would be intriguing! My favorite is Mary's questioning whether or not it's hope that gets us "through the narrows." I realized just this morning through an exercise on character that what I find most heroic about the heroic people in my life (and yes, you're one of them, Patry) is their shared ability to act with immense grace in the face of life's most daunting challenges. And I believe I'm drawn to such people because I hope to harbor some of that grace so it can find me and give me what I need when I truly need it. As Mary also noted, at such times we can hope and pray but sometimes we have to "simply wait." As always, you handled this whole situation (including writing this post and responding to every comment) with much grace, kiddo. Hugs and prayers that you never have to be tested like that again, K.Sustenance Scouthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12980573661955592633noreply@blogger.com